Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Stuck.
I miss Argentina. I sat down, meaning to write something more profound, and that's all I have to say about it right now!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I am not forgetting.
A week ago, I was in a bus. In the desert.
That's weird to think about. It seems like it was forever ago, and at the same time, like it was just yesterday. Maybe because I have been thinking about the same thing for a whole week. Time doesn't seem like it's passing that quickly when you are thinking the same thought over and over again.
What was I thinking about? Not forgetting.
This is not the first missions trip I've been on, but it's the first one I've been on in a long time. Since Hannah was born, actually. It's the first trip I've gone on where I felt like I had left my own life in the U.S. and somehow ended up on the other side of the world empty, but waiting to be filled, or used. I felt like a strange, empty vessel landing in Buenos Aires on the first day, having no idea what to expect. In retrospect, that was probably the best way to be for this trip. I wasn't full of daily agendas, lists, plans for the day, concerns, and my perpetual task list. Once I had been in touch with Micah and Hannah and knew that life was just fine for them at home, I was free to just serve. Or, sometimes, just sit back and observe. And I took a lot in in 3 weeks time... and I pondered it all in my heart: riding in a bus, walking through town, while I was working, journaling... I journaled a lot. Mostly in the form of blessings, a list I started after reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I wanted to write as much down as I could so that I would remember, so that I could look back and see what God was doing at this time, because He was doing so much in my heart, and in the lives of the people around me.
On our last night in Andacollo, we were challenged to not forget... When I heard these words, my heart broke, and tears welled up in my eyes, knowing how hard it would be to remember once I got home, and was back to busy-ness. It was easy doing this in Argentina, when we were all serving together, and there wasn't much else to be distracted with. We were challenged to be like John, a voice that cries out in the desert. Again, this is easier in Argentina. I knew this would be a real challenge coming home. I thought about my life at home, what I sound like when I talk to people: "How was the weekend?"
"Cute shoes!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"Ooh, I like your dress!"
"I.am.SO.tired."
"Oh, this is from Target!"
"I need to make dinner."
"I have SO many papers to grade."
"This week is going to be so busy!" (I think Micah and I say that every weekend!)
These are not exactly statements that give any sort of account of what God's doing in my life. Actually, seeing them all in a list like that, it looks like all the things that may be distracting me from what He's doing in my life. Enter the 1000 gifts again. Writing down God's blessings in my life puts me in tune with what He's up to that day: small things, and BIG things... they're all on the same list. When I first came to Argentina, there were 120 things on my list, (that I had started in December). In three and a half weeks, the list was up to 370. Why was it so much easier for me to be thankful, to see what He was doing in a place that was not familiar to me? Why couldn't I do that at home? This is what I thought about in that bus. Every time I saw that desert we were driving across, I was reminded of the voice "crying out in the wilderness, 'Make straight the way of the LORD." And I wondered, how am I going to do that?
I wondered this as I woke up from a nap that morning in the bus. I had fallen asleep coming down the mountain roads all bundled up in my sleeping bag... and I woke up in the desert.
I thought to myself, "How profound. Just like Mauro's message last night!" And I pondered these things in my heart. Joyfully, thankful for the time to think (obviously this is at the beginning of the bus ride.) I journaled my thoughts. Task-oriented, I made a list of things I needed to keep in check so that I would not forget. Ways that I thought I could bring more glory to God in my life - how would I be a voice that cries out in the wilderness of Orange County: Ponder, ponder, ponder. But I didn't come up with something to write for that one.
Time passes. I talk with Letty, we eat some empanadas, I take another nap. I wake up: we are still in the desert.
I am yet again reminded of the voice crying out in the desert. Everyone is napping, so I go back to listing in my journal... it was so easy to name the blessings, but I still had no idea what it would look like for me to be the kind of voice that desperately cries out in the name of the Lord to those around me: I work at a Christian school, I come from a long line of Jesus followers, and I married a man who is much the same. Most of my friends have known me for a really long time, so they know what I am all about... what more do I possibly need to be telling them? Uf. This was getting frustrating. I close the journal, sad that I had not been able to finish that list yet. It's at this point I imagine God chuckling at me... "Patience, Bonnie. You still have so much to learn." But I wanted my answer... NOW!
So... you can imagine how I reacted after dozing off and waking up a THIRD time, and we are STILL IN THE DESERT.
I share my frustration with Letty, Sandra, those around me... but the frustration is not so much that we are still in the bus, in the desert, but rather, every time I look out at the desert I am reminded of the challenge that waits for me at home... and I am afraid that I don't know how to deal with it. I didn't actually mention that at the time... because I wouldn't have known how to talk about it anyhow. But my head pretty much sounded like this: "God, help me!... I give up. We will get back to this, Lord."
We talk in the bus. Stop for dinner. Back in the bus, it is dark, and we are ready for bed. Letty makes a special request for Spanish praise songs, and Mauro played and our little group sang for an hour or so - and I cried... not just because Spanish praise does that to me, with it's beautiful language and how emotion is expressed so much better through words than in English, but because I really didn't want to forget this moment. And I knew it was passing. I thought about grabbing my Ipad and using the QuickVoice app to record them. Wish I had, just for the sake of singing along now, but that may have seemed strange at the moment, so I didn't. But I was so afraid of forgetting. I was so tired, but I couldn't sleep for the longest time, thinking that I would wake up and it would all be lost in the past.
I woke up at a toll booth in Buenos Aires. Not in the desert! I was literally fist-pumping as I saw the bus drive through the toll booth, so happy to see civilization again! And I hadn't forgotten... I still remembered EVERYTHING. We had some extended time alone in the park that morning, and I was ready to sit down with my journal and pencil this all out! There was a light at the end of the tunnel... I'm sure I would have this figured out before we headed home! And I sat in that park, and I still wrote down blessing after blessing, but then I stopped. I looked at my little list, and I still wanted to know what God expected from me once I got home. And I sat there... no idea what to do. I prayed.
Decided to just take it one step at a time.
(This has been the decision many other times in life when I don't know what to do. Funny how you can learn the same lesson over and over again, and it's still fresh each time!)
I got back to Buenos Aires,
did some more sightseeing,
debriefed the trip with the team,
wrote letters to my new amigos,
said goodbye to so many dear people,
got on a plane,
came home,
went to the pool,
caught up with family and friends,
met my niece on her birth-day!
God is good. And I am still taking things one step at a time.
Turns out, this is what a life of faith looks like: turning it all over to God to let Him do His thing.
And when you tell others about it: it brings glory to Him.
To God be the glory!
And I figured out what to do: Just TELL PEOPLE about it!!
God is good. All the time!
Every time I open up my journal to write about it, I am reminded of my time in Argentina, and what God taught me through his people there. And the good news is: I haven't forgotten! I just find myself thinking and praying for new things in the same old place now!
Some other highlights from the bus trip:
We left in the morning, so I watched the sun rise over the mountains. Rad.
I sat with Sandra. We talked. About so many things: family, boys, kids, college, dogs. We played a game where you ask questions, but cannot answer with yes, no, black or white. (Turns out this is a tough game to keep up with in your second language. I'll be practicing this!)
We sat and talked some more. We had a LOT of time to share our hearts. And that blessed me more than I know how to say!
I spent a lot of time talking with Letty, too. She cracks me up. And she challenges me, too! Why did we not take a photo? It's ok... I still remember!
That's weird to think about. It seems like it was forever ago, and at the same time, like it was just yesterday. Maybe because I have been thinking about the same thing for a whole week. Time doesn't seem like it's passing that quickly when you are thinking the same thought over and over again.
What was I thinking about? Not forgetting.
This is not the first missions trip I've been on, but it's the first one I've been on in a long time. Since Hannah was born, actually. It's the first trip I've gone on where I felt like I had left my own life in the U.S. and somehow ended up on the other side of the world empty, but waiting to be filled, or used. I felt like a strange, empty vessel landing in Buenos Aires on the first day, having no idea what to expect. In retrospect, that was probably the best way to be for this trip. I wasn't full of daily agendas, lists, plans for the day, concerns, and my perpetual task list. Once I had been in touch with Micah and Hannah and knew that life was just fine for them at home, I was free to just serve. Or, sometimes, just sit back and observe. And I took a lot in in 3 weeks time... and I pondered it all in my heart: riding in a bus, walking through town, while I was working, journaling... I journaled a lot. Mostly in the form of blessings, a list I started after reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I wanted to write as much down as I could so that I would remember, so that I could look back and see what God was doing at this time, because He was doing so much in my heart, and in the lives of the people around me.
On our last night in Andacollo, we were challenged to not forget... When I heard these words, my heart broke, and tears welled up in my eyes, knowing how hard it would be to remember once I got home, and was back to busy-ness. It was easy doing this in Argentina, when we were all serving together, and there wasn't much else to be distracted with. We were challenged to be like John, a voice that cries out in the desert. Again, this is easier in Argentina. I knew this would be a real challenge coming home. I thought about my life at home, what I sound like when I talk to people: "How was the weekend?"
"Cute shoes!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"Ooh, I like your dress!"
"I.am.SO.tired."
"Oh, this is from Target!"
"I need to make dinner."
"I have SO many papers to grade."
"This week is going to be so busy!" (I think Micah and I say that every weekend!)
These are not exactly statements that give any sort of account of what God's doing in my life. Actually, seeing them all in a list like that, it looks like all the things that may be distracting me from what He's doing in my life. Enter the 1000 gifts again. Writing down God's blessings in my life puts me in tune with what He's up to that day: small things, and BIG things... they're all on the same list. When I first came to Argentina, there were 120 things on my list, (that I had started in December). In three and a half weeks, the list was up to 370. Why was it so much easier for me to be thankful, to see what He was doing in a place that was not familiar to me? Why couldn't I do that at home? This is what I thought about in that bus. Every time I saw that desert we were driving across, I was reminded of the voice "crying out in the wilderness, 'Make straight the way of the LORD." And I wondered, how am I going to do that?
I wondered this as I woke up from a nap that morning in the bus. I had fallen asleep coming down the mountain roads all bundled up in my sleeping bag... and I woke up in the desert.
I thought to myself, "How profound. Just like Mauro's message last night!" And I pondered these things in my heart. Joyfully, thankful for the time to think (obviously this is at the beginning of the bus ride.) I journaled my thoughts. Task-oriented, I made a list of things I needed to keep in check so that I would not forget. Ways that I thought I could bring more glory to God in my life - how would I be a voice that cries out in the wilderness of Orange County: Ponder, ponder, ponder. But I didn't come up with something to write for that one.
Time passes. I talk with Letty, we eat some empanadas, I take another nap. I wake up: we are still in the desert.
I am yet again reminded of the voice crying out in the desert. Everyone is napping, so I go back to listing in my journal... it was so easy to name the blessings, but I still had no idea what it would look like for me to be the kind of voice that desperately cries out in the name of the Lord to those around me: I work at a Christian school, I come from a long line of Jesus followers, and I married a man who is much the same. Most of my friends have known me for a really long time, so they know what I am all about... what more do I possibly need to be telling them? Uf. This was getting frustrating. I close the journal, sad that I had not been able to finish that list yet. It's at this point I imagine God chuckling at me... "Patience, Bonnie. You still have so much to learn." But I wanted my answer... NOW!
So... you can imagine how I reacted after dozing off and waking up a THIRD time, and we are STILL IN THE DESERT.
I share my frustration with Letty, Sandra, those around me... but the frustration is not so much that we are still in the bus, in the desert, but rather, every time I look out at the desert I am reminded of the challenge that waits for me at home... and I am afraid that I don't know how to deal with it. I didn't actually mention that at the time... because I wouldn't have known how to talk about it anyhow. But my head pretty much sounded like this: "God, help me!... I give up. We will get back to this, Lord."
We talk in the bus. Stop for dinner. Back in the bus, it is dark, and we are ready for bed. Letty makes a special request for Spanish praise songs, and Mauro played and our little group sang for an hour or so - and I cried... not just because Spanish praise does that to me, with it's beautiful language and how emotion is expressed so much better through words than in English, but because I really didn't want to forget this moment. And I knew it was passing. I thought about grabbing my Ipad and using the QuickVoice app to record them. Wish I had, just for the sake of singing along now, but that may have seemed strange at the moment, so I didn't. But I was so afraid of forgetting. I was so tired, but I couldn't sleep for the longest time, thinking that I would wake up and it would all be lost in the past.
I woke up at a toll booth in Buenos Aires. Not in the desert! I was literally fist-pumping as I saw the bus drive through the toll booth, so happy to see civilization again! And I hadn't forgotten... I still remembered EVERYTHING. We had some extended time alone in the park that morning, and I was ready to sit down with my journal and pencil this all out! There was a light at the end of the tunnel... I'm sure I would have this figured out before we headed home! And I sat in that park, and I still wrote down blessing after blessing, but then I stopped. I looked at my little list, and I still wanted to know what God expected from me once I got home. And I sat there... no idea what to do. I prayed.
Decided to just take it one step at a time.
(This has been the decision many other times in life when I don't know what to do. Funny how you can learn the same lesson over and over again, and it's still fresh each time!)
I got back to Buenos Aires,
did some more sightseeing,
debriefed the trip with the team,
wrote letters to my new amigos,
said goodbye to so many dear people,
got on a plane,
came home,
went to the pool,
caught up with family and friends,
met my niece on her birth-day!
God is good. And I am still taking things one step at a time.
Turns out, this is what a life of faith looks like: turning it all over to God to let Him do His thing.
And when you tell others about it: it brings glory to Him.
To God be the glory!
And I figured out what to do: Just TELL PEOPLE about it!!
God is good. All the time!
Every time I open up my journal to write about it, I am reminded of my time in Argentina, and what God taught me through his people there. And the good news is: I haven't forgotten! I just find myself thinking and praying for new things in the same old place now!
Some other highlights from the bus trip:
We left in the morning, so I watched the sun rise over the mountains. Rad.
I sat with Sandra. We talked. About so many things: family, boys, kids, college, dogs. We played a game where you ask questions, but cannot answer with yes, no, black or white. (Turns out this is a tough game to keep up with in your second language. I'll be practicing this!)
We sat and talked some more. We had a LOT of time to share our hearts. And that blessed me more than I know how to say!
I spent a lot of time talking with Letty, too. She cracks me up. And she challenges me, too! Why did we not take a photo? It's ok... I still remember!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Favorite holiday, favorite new friend.
- It is exactly one week after my birthday. I try to join the two celebrations together in one big week of summer fun!
- Red being my favorite color, it's a great excuse to dress up and decorate everything red, white and blue!
- I love barbecue. We have a hot dog party, and everyone brings side dishes (having done this for a few years, we settled into a routine: potato salad (Aunt Cheryl), green bean salad (Aunt Candi), Donna's famous brown sugar beans, usually a box of ice cream sandwiches from the Willhoits, and everything else in between!
- Who doesn't love fireworks? It's the best part of the day! When we are home, we like to avoid the crowds,walk up the hill and watch several shows from there. Orange County's best kept secret. Except for the year that the sprinklers came on. Whoops! (Never happened again.)
- I come from a family where we are proud to be Americans, and so growing up, I had a healthy dose of patriotism instilled in me.
Of course, He's so good. He had plans for the day.
Letty, my favorite new American friend from this trip, gave us daily encouragements every day. Little surprises that came with a Scripture to boost our spirits in the morning. Today's surprise came at lunchtime, when we all paused to say the pledge to the flag, and sweet Kaley (with the voice of an angel) sang the National Anthem, and Letty busted out bags of poppers, noisemakers, silly string, and little American flags to share with our new amigos.
Their comment was: "How fun that you celebrate your independence day so much! We don't really do that. It's just a day off." (Argentina's Independence Day is July 9, so we were all about to ask what they do for their big day!)
Here's a photo I snagged from Facebook. (I love the wonder of modern technology as I try to stay connected with new friends across the world. As I was composing this blog, I had chat windows open on Facebook to New York, Argentina, and Paris. Thank you, Lord for technology!!!) This is me, dressed up in all my red and blue (no white, we were working, but actually, now there's white paint all over that jacket... can't remember which day that happened.) It's obvious that it's cold, not like an American 4th of July, but it was awesome, in ways I could not have expected. I'm posed with Sandra, my favorite new friend from Argentina. Here, we had just begun our friendship, and already had a special bond: little did I know that by the end of this trip we would be the kind of friends that could talk about anything! Sandra always makes me laugh, and this day, the joke was about teasing me about getting up high on the scaffolding to paint (was not going to happen. a ladder, maybe. the scaffolding, no chance!) I think she loved this hat (like anyone with a great sense of humor does) and I love this picture that she got this picture of the two of us: my favorite day, with my favorite new friend. I couldn't have asked for a better 4th of July!!!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Someday I'll want to remember this...
Will she ever put her shoes on the right feet? For months now, she's been wearing her shoes backwards... but she does it all by herself! The backwards shoes drive micah crazy... I am just happy that she does it herself, but today I had made a special effort to make sure to have her put them on the right feet, and so as I transferred her to the car (sleeping after preschool) I noticed her little backwards shoes. I can't help but wonder if they just got that way after she took them off at school and put them back on, or if she switched them because she really does prefer them that way. Either way, I had to take a quick shot, because someday this will all be behind us, and I didn't want to forget!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Embrace the Camera: 23 days in Argentina
This week's Embrace the Camera photos reflect the 23 days we actually spent apart as I was in Argentina.
(Looks like I am going to share my experiences from this trip in small daily chunks like this. To write about the trip as a whole, and how it changed my heart is impossible. It was an indescribable blessing!!)
My sweet neighbor Christine was kind enough to suggest that I make a paper chain for Hannah to show her how many days were left before I came home. This was a fun counting craft and gave her a great visual to keep track of the time... thankfully she wasn't overwhelmed!
Here we are, just before I left for the airport:
In between, Micah and Hannah were AMAZING together. Not a complaint from them... they just got through it one day at a time. Micah told me over and over that this was his way of serving the Lord so I could serve Him in Argentina. To say that blessed my heart would be a HUGE understatement... my cup was seriously OVERFLOWING.
And here we are again, at joyfully reunited at LAX: (she's proudly holding up the last one!)
Sweet times!
It's so FUN to hear her little voice say, "You're home, Mommy! No more rings left!" and she still likes to sit down next to me and ask, "How was your trip?" I have a new story every day!
God is SO good!
(Looks like I am going to share my experiences from this trip in small daily chunks like this. To write about the trip as a whole, and how it changed my heart is impossible. It was an indescribable blessing!!)
My sweet neighbor Christine was kind enough to suggest that I make a paper chain for Hannah to show her how many days were left before I came home. This was a fun counting craft and gave her a great visual to keep track of the time... thankfully she wasn't overwhelmed!
Here we are, just before I left for the airport:
Sweet times!
It's so FUN to hear her little voice say, "You're home, Mommy! No more rings left!" and she still likes to sit down next to me and ask, "How was your trip?" I have a new story every day!
God is SO good!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
What I Wore Wednesday: Here and There!
I'm joining the What I Wore Wednesday movement this week!
I've been following for a while, brushing up my style for work and home, and each Wednesday I am thankful for new inspiration! Check out the others linked up at the Pleated Poppy this week, and prepare to get hooked!
I've just returned from a missions trip to Argentina... so strange to start with clothes when I've got a whole trip to talk about, but I'm just starting SUPER small here: I'm extra excited to have some fun getting dressed this week. After living out of a suitcase for a while, it's the small blessings like the chance to flat iron, choice of lipstick, accesssories, and fresh clothes (after washing clothes in the sink, the wonders of the washing machine never cease to amaze me!! I am so thankful!) Some of these were from before I left, as I had intended to post my first "What I Wore" before my trip, but you know how things go right before travel... so now I get to include the first tidbits from my trip along with what I wore!
Here's my 30th birthday:
Black dress - Target
Red espadrilles - Payless, in the last millenium, I think. Still favorites.
Baja blanket belt - Target. Love the colors!
Red coral necklace - gift from my friend Mandy. It's from Panama.
La Rosa earrings - gift from my friend Meg. I love what a conversation starter they are... you never know who plays Lotería!
Red watch I received from my sister for my birthday should also be added here... though I received it after this photo was shot!
Last day of errands and packing before the trip:
Green dress - Target, probably 7 years ago.
Jeggings - Also from Target. This outfit is ridiculously comfortable when I have a super-productive day ahead!
Sandals - Ssekos. Bought these as a friend was raising funds for her adoption a year ago. I now own several pairs of straps and pretty much wear them everyday. But, it was going to be really cold in Argentina, so they weren't getting packed, so I was relishing a last day wearing them!
Colorful bag - birthday gift from my sister, who knows me too well. I love this thing!
Totally completes the outfit!
Next: off for my favorite run before Argentina. Also, out of most decent clothes, because I had packed it all to layer in winter weather!
Tanktop - aeropostale. I love the length of this tanktop, I wear it for layers, workouts, yoga, and a coverup at the beach!
Running shorts - Target.
Shoes - Nike. From Nordstrom Rack. Gift card from a student!
In Buenos Aires: we were privileged to attend Bible Study at Argentina's Congress building with members of Parlamento y Fé.
So I wore the best I had packed:
black dress: Target
black leggings: Target
Black ballet flats: Old Navy
Amethyst scarf: Noonday Collection. I love the color of this scarf. It really pops against anything, and has delicate black threads woven into it, as well.
Another interesting fact about this photo... I am standing next to one of three of Rodan's signed thinker statues. It looks like some other people signed it, too, but it was still really cool to see this up close! The congress building is in the background. We spent a lot of thinking time in this park during the trip!
On the playground:
Striped sweater - Banana Republic (actually second-hand from Buffalo Exchange)
Jeans - Express (same, I made a run to Buffalo Exchange before the trip!)
Red scarf - a favorite from Target (of course). Red is sometimes difficult to coordinate with other red accessories, but this scarf has so many shades of red, I can easily throw it on with anything!
La Boca: (with Shannon, one of my sweet roomies) I love color. This neighborhood is a crazy colorful part of town down by the harbor, where immigrants used to build houses out of whatever they could get their hands on.
It was chilly, so here I am bundled up in:
Hace Frio Scarf - Noonday Collection. A gift from my sweet friend Sara, just in time for my trip. So perfect. I wore this scarf nearly everyday. And if I wasn't wearing it, someone else was. It's a favorite for sure, especially in that peacock color.
Teddy bear sweatshirt - The North Face. A gift from my mother in law.
Jeans - Express
Boots - my birthday gift from Micah for this trip. I really needed them. It was COLD!
Here we are in La Boca again. (pictured with my AMAZING airport group) This time after a 24-hour bus ride back in from Andacollo, so we are all dressed in our comfies: Black running shirt and stretchy pants: Road Runner Sports (Christmas gifts from Micah) Red Velcro Vans: old favorites from my sister-in-law Aimee Red scarf: Target.
I've just returned from a missions trip to Argentina... so strange to start with clothes when I've got a whole trip to talk about, but I'm just starting SUPER small here: I'm extra excited to have some fun getting dressed this week. After living out of a suitcase for a while, it's the small blessings like the chance to flat iron, choice of lipstick, accesssories, and fresh clothes (after washing clothes in the sink, the wonders of the washing machine never cease to amaze me!! I am so thankful!) Some of these were from before I left, as I had intended to post my first "What I Wore" before my trip, but you know how things go right before travel... so now I get to include the first tidbits from my trip along with what I wore!
Here's my 30th birthday:
Last day of errands and packing before the trip:
Next: off for my favorite run before Argentina. Also, out of most decent clothes, because I had packed it all to layer in winter weather!
In Buenos Aires: we were privileged to attend Bible Study at Argentina's Congress building with members of Parlamento y Fé.
On the playground:
La Boca: (with Shannon, one of my sweet roomies) I love color. This neighborhood is a crazy colorful part of town down by the harbor, where immigrants used to build houses out of whatever they could get their hands on.
Here we are in La Boca again. (pictured with my AMAZING airport group) This time after a 24-hour bus ride back in from Andacollo, so we are all dressed in our comfies: Black running shirt and stretchy pants: Road Runner Sports (Christmas gifts from Micah) Red Velcro Vans: old favorites from my sister-in-law Aimee Red scarf: Target.
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